Keeping a Strong Marriage in the Storm

“How do you keep your marriage strong?”

This is the question a follower recently asked me that inspired this 3 part series on marriage. I’m writing to you not as an expert, but as a woman who’s in a loving, healthy marriage, despite all the stress we face in raising a child with a mental illness. Like many of you, we face numerous nights too tired to pour into our relationship or our romantic evenings become unglued when our son goes into a rage before bedtime, but despite these challenges and more, we continue to take it one day at a time and focus on what has always worked for us.

The most important part of our marriage is our foundation in God. When we can’t even make sense of the pain, we each have a source we hold on to. I believe having this shared faith has helped us unite even when everything else pushes us apart.

We fight fair! This may seem silly, but we’re serious about this. We never call each other names or cuss at one another. We do have arguments, but we still respect one another in our differences. We know that once you say it, you can never take it back, so we bite our tongue. And as often is the case, any bad thoughts are completely unfounded once the stress is resolved. And never, ever, does the word “divorce” get used.

We like timeouts. Just like our kids, we give ourselves timeouts. When we become angry at one another, we often wait until we have cooled down before we discuss it. We may spend the evening avoiding one another, but once we calm down, we’re better able to express ourselves and we aren’t as critical of one another.

We don’t expect a perfect life. We see marriage as a united journey through life, with that comes good times and bad times. We have an expectation that there’s no escaping this reality, we will have challenges in this life and together we can get through it.

We support each other’s interests. My man loves poker with the guys. I love the movies. My man loves spending the day on a golf course. I love the gym. We may not share the same interests, but we don’t stop the other from enjoying it.

We encourage each other to escape. When life at home is hectic and getting a sitter is out of the question (which is almost always), we encourage one another to get away with supportive friends. I have dinner with my girlfriends and my husband goes golfing with the guys. We make sure that the one staying home doesn’t complain and instead cheers the other on. Because a happy spouse is a happy life!

We forgive one another. Saying sorry goes a long way. My husband is great at this, but I’m always working on it.

We take over when the other can’t continue. There have been so many times where one of us has reached a point of meltdown with our son and the other person steps in and takes over. It’s kinda like handing the baton over during a marathon race.

We’re surrounded by healthy marriages. I believe you can learn a lot by example, seeing other marriages at work can teach you a lot.

We protect our marriage. My husband doesn’t give other women a ride home alone and I don’t chat with old boyfriends on Facebook. We act as if the other is by our side everywhere we go. This may seem silly, but we’ve seen marriages fail when these boundaries are broken.

We don’t expect all of our needs to be met by each other. If I’m not happy, it’s not my husband responsibility to make me happy. I also don’t expect my husband to listen to every feeling I have, that’s what girlfriends are for.

We laugh a lot! It helps that I married the funniest man on the block, but really we do laugh a lot, especially at ourselves.

We appreciate the small things. We may not go on fancy dates or extravagant vacations, but enjoying a frozen yogurt while watching the tv show Big Brother and discussing every moment together is really a perfect night. We don’t require much to make us happy.

We use the “five love languages” to communicate. When we first got married we both read the book, The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. It basically outlines the five ways love is communicated and how we can act to make our spouse feel loved. The five languages are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. So in our marriage, if my husband notices that I’m stressed out from the day, he’ll do the dishes for me since he knows that “acts of service” is one of my love languages. I feel loved that my husband did the dishes, so in return I do something that falls under one of his love languages. If I had washed his car, an “act of service” I would’ve failed in making him feel loved since his love language is not the same as mine. Instead, telling my man that he looks hot and grabbing his butt is speaking his love language. In the end, we’re both loving one another the way we need to feel loved. This is an awesome marriage tool!

We date one another (sometimes). This is an area we really do cherish, but with our son’s illness and having 3 bouncing boys, getting a sitter isn’t always easy. So though we see this as an important part of our marriage, we both wished we could do this more.

We continue to work on our marriage. For us marriage is not something that happened when we exchanged rings, for us it’s an ongoing process. Recently we have committed to starting our day out praying for one another together. We haven’t been consistent, but we’re still trying and we’re working on other areas too. For us, we will never be done.

And I can’t forget, after being together for 23 years, he still brings me flowers for no reason, that’s gotta count for something right?

My husband often surprises me with love notes made out of everyday objects. The image on the left is kitchen spoons and a measuring cup and the image on the right is fresh oranges!

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Please share... what do you do to keep your marriage strong?

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The 5 Love Languages Book:
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/

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Part 1 in my Marriage Series:
How Pain Can Divide Us

Part 2 in my Marriage Series:
Lessons That Build a Lasting Marriage

Lessons that Build a Lasting Marriage

My husband and I decided to share with you one of many challenges we’ve faced in our marriage and the lessons we learned with hopes to encourage any of you who may find yourself in a similar situation.

Like any good story, I have to start from the beginning. When my son was first diagnosed with mental illness, my husband and I took two very different paths to cope. 

I went into “fix it” mode. I started researching everything I could about my son’s symptoms, I read many books and was searching for answers in every direction. More than anything, I wanted to talk about it.

My husband on the other hand took a different path to cope. He began mourning the loss of former dreams. At the time, there were no games of catch or playing t-ball with the boys, instead there were only rages and walking on eggshells. And more than anything, my husband did NOT want to talk about it.

For months my poor husband would tolerate me downloading all the drama from the day when he got home from work and he couldn’t wait for us to have anything different to talk about, where as for me, I felt like we didn’t talk about “it” enough. Does this sound familiar to anyone?

Then one night my son went into a violent rage and hurt me. I was destroyed inside. I started to cry and couldn’t stop. My husband on the other hand left for a drive once my son was asleep in bed.

As I sat alone in the house sobbing, I was crushed that my husband wasn’t there to comfort me.

What I didn’t realize in that moment was that my husband was crushed too. As a man, his natural instinct was to protect his woman. If any man had put a finger on his wife, they would’ve faced his wrath. But how does a man cope with the situation when the male that has hurt his wife is his 9 year old son?

What I didn’t realize that night was that we were both broken and I expected something from my husband that I myself wasn’t capable of giving.

Looking back, I believe my husband did the best thing. By leaving for a drive, it gave him the space to calm down and to straighten out his own conflicting feelings. It gave him the chance to heal, making him strong enough to support me.

Today my husband has the strength to hold me when I’m falling apart and hopefully he feels like he has the space to cope when he needs it.

It’s so easy to blame each another and to unfairly judge one another when your world is being turned upside down. I learned a lot from that night, I learned that though we both suffer from my son’s illness, we’re dealing with different wounds and sometimes we may not be strong enough for one another. That’s why outside support is so important. I’ve also learned that this journey requires us to adjust our expectations and if we remain kind, patient and honest with one another, we can come together much stronger.

As for our different paths, well we’re still human and we’ll always cope differently. But we’re aware of each other’s needs and try to bend for one another. So yes, my husband stills tolerates me rambling on with the drama knowing that it helps me and I work on sparing him ALL the details so we might have something new to talk about. 

In the end, I know our marriage is stronger for it.

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A special thank you to my amazing husband who was kind enough to “talk about it” so I could present both perspectives in my post! I love you babe!!!!

Check back on Friday when I share some practical examples of how we keep our marriage strong.

If you missed my previous post on marriage, here it is:

How Pain Can Divide Us

How Pain Can Divide Us

I recently got an email from a follower who asked if I could share with all of you how my husband and I keep our marriage strong while raising a child with a mood disorder.

I appreciate this question, though I will admit that I felt inadequate in answering it, but then I realized that though things are not perfect and they never will be, after almost 20 years of marriage my husband and I are happily married and may indeed have a thing or two to share. Also, I realized that many of our marriages are at risk because of the challenges we face with our kids. Some studies indicate that the rate of divorce can be as high as 80%. This alone is good reason to get personal in hopes to help others who may be struggling.

Before I share what’s working for us, I wanted to share something that I learned from my pastor about marriages facing crisis. I was moved by this teaching and it’s given me a healthy perspective that I now apply to my own marriage.

My pastor explained that when marriages face crisis, whether it be due to an illness, job loss or any other painful experience, we must first understand that this shared experience of pain can do two things in a marriage, it can unite us or it can divide us.

To investigate this further, my pastor met with married couples in our church who have faced extreme challenges in their marriage and learned from them how the pain of their circumstances pushed them apart. I think this is so important to consider since many of us have faced this same disruption in our own marriage.

First, pain can threaten our safety. As a result, we may blame each other.

Pain can disrupt our life. As a result we may respond by withdrawing from the marriage, becoming no help to our spouse and our marriage goes on the back burner.

Pain hurts. So we hurt one another.

Pain makes us turns inward. So we no longer connect to those around us, instead we shut down.

Pain brings unmet expectations. As a result, we face disappointment.

Pain makes us judgmental because we expect others to respond the same way we do.

Pain makes us vulnerable. So we lash out with anger to one another or become overly sensitive.

Pain is hard to live with. So we leave the marriage to escape the pain.

And the list goes on...

So can you relate to any of these experiences above? I know I can!

Next, my pastor reminded us that we all deal with pain in our own way, so we need to offer grace to one another. Just as we ourselves are capable of behaving badly because we’re hurting, we have to keep in mind that our spouse is hurting too. Pain is the problem, not our spouse. If we start with that, we can create a foundation for our marriage that will allow us to unite instead of separate.

Check back with my next post when I go a little deeper and share with you a hard lesson I learned in my own marriage, then on Friday I’ll share what’s working in my marriage today. I hope it will be encouraging to you if you’re currently hurting in your marriage. Remember, you’re spouse is not the problem, pain is.

Can We Prevent Bipolar Disorder?

There’s good news for many children who were once labeled with bipolar disorder. Research shows that many kids who look bipolar as a child do not grow up to have bipolar disorder as an adult. Instead, they may have unipolar depressive disorders or generalized anxiety disorders. This encouraging research introduces many theories.

Many believe that one of the reasons for this occurrence is that some children have been misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder, instead these kids have a different illness altogether. In response, the American Psychiatric Association is creating a new diagnosis that will appear in the DSM-5 guide called Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder, for labeling kids that don’t fit under the “classic adult symptoms” of bipolar disorder.

I don’t doubt the above theory of why some “bipolar” kids don’t grow up to have bipolar disorder, but I also wonder if in addition, there’s another factor to consider.

Is it possible that our kids are showing the early signs of bipolar disorder, but because of early treatment with medication and therapy, their brains are rewired as they develop. I’ve been told many times that it’s hard to diagnose children since their brains are still growing and changing and many kids experience less severe symptoms as they grow older. Is it too far of a stretch to ask the question, “Are we able to change the course of early onset bipolar disorder in children with early treatment?”

Some would argue that bipolar disorder can not be cured or altered for once an adult is diagnosed, it stays with them for a lifetime. But we’re talking about “adult brains” that are already complete in their development. Is it possible that the illness can be altered in children?

I don’t claim to know the answers, I’m just curious and wonder what your thoughts are? As far as I’m concerned, we’re years away from having the research to provide us the answers. Even with a new diagnosistc label, I believe we’ll still have confusion. For example, if most “bipolar kids” grow up to have unipolar depressive disorders or generalized anxiety disorders, then how is the Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder label going to fix this? Won’t we now have kids with Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder growing up to have depression or anxiety? How do we know what meds are right? What if our kids are responding to bipolar medication?

I read in the DSM-5 Development guide the following research:

The only treatment trial of SMD used lithium and did not show efficacy vs. placebo (Dickstein et al, 2009). 

SMD (Severe Mood Disorder) is the former name for Temper Dysregulation Disorder which is now Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder. (confused yet?)

So if we consider our son’s positive response to Lithium, does that disqualify him from the new Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder diagnosis? What about all his other symptoms that aren’t included under the new label? Even though there’s a new diagnosis, we still find our son’s illness outside the diagnostic statistical manual. Where do we go from here? Wait for yet another new label?

It all seems so complicated, I don’t know what the answers are, I just have more questions. What about you, do you think the course of early onset bipolar disorder can be altered with early treatment? Is bipolar disorder an extreme form of a mood disorder illness on a spectrum of other illnesses, many yet undefined? Why isn’t a Bipolar 2 diagnosis applied to children that look bipolar but don’t have clear mania? Is it really as cut and dry as the diagnostic statistical manual makes it?

Whatever the answers are, I hope my son is one of the lucky ones who doesn’t have bipolar disorder as an adult. As in the case for all of us, only time will tell.

As a final note, I thought I would share what Dr. Kiki Chang said in a Frontline documentary filmed in 2007 called The Medicated Child:

These medications have effects on the brain directly—that’s how they work. But some of the effects on the brain could also be protective. In animal studies and cell-line studies, there’s some evidence that suggests that these medications have what we call neuroprotective qualities. They actually protect the brain against injury and insult. They may even help with healthy neuronal growth in certain areas. If that’s the case, perhaps finding the right medication early on can protect a brain against all these further insults of kindling later on and maybe even directly have some sort of neuroprotective effect, so that these children never do progress to full bipolar disorder. 

Source:
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/medicatedchild/interviews/chang.html#5

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Please notes that the American Psychiatric Association does recognize that there are real cases of bipolar disorder in children, this proposed diagnosis does not deny the existence of bipolar disorder in children.

Also I think it’s important to note that the guide also clarifies that youth with SMD (now Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder) are as severely impaired as those with BD.


DSM-5 Proposed Justification for Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder (Once called Temper Dysregulation Disorder with Dysphoria)
http://www.dsm5.org/Proposed%20Revision%20Attachments/Justification%20for%20Temper%20Dysregulation%20Disorder%20with%20Dysphoria.pdf

Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder:
http://www.dsm5.org/ProposedRevisions/Pages/proposedrevision.aspx?rid=397#

The Medicated Child Frontline Interview Transcript:
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/medicatedchild/interviews/chang.html

2 Thumbs Up!

Things are going pretty good this week. Last week we were dealing with a lot of defiance, but this week it hasn’t been a problem. Once again, leaving me with the question, “Was he unstable last week or just pushing limits?” It seems the older he gets, the harder it is to tell since we’re now moving into more adolescent testing. When I’m in the moment I tend to think that he’s just pushing limits, laughing at me as he flat out defies me while trying to pick a fight with everyone. But when I think back, I recall the moment of sadness that preceded the defiance. Then when I consider this week and how he’s respectful and following directions with a great attitude and trying to be a good big brother, it makes me question how much was mood related and how much was just preteen behavior. I suppose it’s often a little of both.

On the upside, therapy is still continuing weekly and it’s been fantastic. Last week I was able to participate in a session and I was so impressed with how in tune the therapist was. She seemed to follow my son’s reactions like a choreographed dance, if he went one way, she gracefully followed. She had a gentle way of engaging him whenever he would shut down, it was pretty impressive to watch. Even though we covered some tough stuff during the session, she was able to put a smile on his face by the time we left. I’d have to give our therapist 2 thumbs up!

Meet Wayne

I’m excited to share with you an insightful interview with Wayne Smith. I found Wayne through his twitter posts that often provide helpful information about bipolar disorder. Once I visited his website, facing-bipolar-disorder.com, I became more interested in his story because he experienced his first symptoms as a child. If you’ve been on the internet long enough, you may have come across a lot of information that claims that bipolar disorder can not exist in children, so naturally I was intrigued with his story. Today, Wayne has graciously agreed to do an interview with me so we can all learn a little from his own personal experience. Enjoy the interview!

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Welcome Wayne to my blog! Before we start, can you share a little about yourself?
My name is Wayne Smith and I am 42 years old. I am separated from my wife and she wants to be divorced. I served as an associate pastor in two churches for 10 years. I have a masters degree in religion with a specialization in pastoral counseling. I live in metro Atlanta and have my whole life, with the exception of 3 1/2 years. I struggle now primarily with severe anxiety. I feel like I am stabilized with my medicaitons with the exception of this. I believe in the power of prayer and plan to invest more time in prayer to help with my anxiety.

What is your official diagnosis?
Rapid cycling bipolar disorder is what my doctor has told me. I cycle to the point of being in the classification of ultra rapid cycling bipolar disorder.

How old were you when you were diagnosed?
I was 36 when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Did you have a previous diagnosis that turned out to be wrong or incomplete?
I was diagnosed several times with various things. My initial diagnosis on my first visit to a psychiatrist was ADD. My next psychiatrist diagnosed me with severe depression and borderline psychosis. Then I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. When I was 37, I was diagnosed with rapid cycling.

How old were you when you first started experiencing symptoms?
I remember experiencing symptoms of bipolar disorder at age 4. Some psychiatrists say this isn’t possible. My psychiatrist, who is a neuropsychiatrist, told me that it is possible. Besides, I know it because I lived it.

As a child did you realize that something was wrong with your mental health?
I did not realize what the problem was. I’ve always known that I’m different. I didn’t know what to call it when I was young. I thought I was just unlikable and weird. I thought that I had problems socially because I was inferior. I had no idea that I had a mental illness.

Did anyone in your family recognize that you were suffering?
My parents knew I was depressed when I told them I was in the 7th grade. Actually, I didn’t use the word “depressed” I don’t believe. I remember telling them that I had been thinking about killing myself. They took me to a psychologist twice and I never returned. He said he couldn’t help me because I wouldn’t talk to him. He apparently didn’t know what he was doing.

What were your symptoms as a child?
As a child I was very anxious. I stayed depressed much of the time. I felt shame. I felt inferior to the other kids. I didn’t like myself. And I still don’t. When I was manic I would get on my friend’s and family’s nerves. I didn’t know why I kept annoying them until they were mad. I knew I did it. I just didn’t understand why. It was very embarrassing to me to have a friend yell at me for annoying them.

How did these symptoms make you behave?
I was slower in motion than the other kids. I was annoying and fearful of making friends. I became a total loner in high school.

How did you experience mania as a child?
My mania as a kid manifested as being extremely hyper to the point of annoying the daylights of those around me. I never had sleep problems with it then. I have always behaved kinda recklessly, which is consistent with mania.

Were the symptoms constant or did they come and go?
My symptoms would come and go to a degree. I would say 80% of the time I had symptoms

Did you have trouble sleeping as a child?
I never had any problems going to sleep or staying asleep when I was young. However, I had recurring nightmares that stayed with me for years.

What symptoms affected you the most as a child and how did it affect your childhood development?
Anxiety and depression affected me the most. I was anxiety ridden a lot of the time. I was depressed to the point of being physically exhausted. I often could barely put one foot in front of the other. It was laborious to live. This resulted in me growing up thinking something was wrong with me. I had a very low sense of self-worth. I didn’t think I mattered to anyone and to be honest I didn’t matter to myself. I just wanted it all to stop... but it wouldn’t.

Did you use medication as a child to treat symptoms?
I was not medicated until I was in college in 1999.

Do you wish you did?
I think if I could have had the right doctor medication would have been helpful. But I didn’t know I needed it. I just thought I was one big loser.

As an adult, what symptoms do you struggle with today?
My most dominating symptom is anxiety. I am overcome by it. Depression is a major issue as well. Mania causes me to not be able to sleep like I should sometimes.

Did your symptoms change as you grew from a child to an adult? If so, how?
My symptoms worsened as I got older. They snowballed in 2003–2004 to the point of me having a nervous breakdown.

You mentioned on your blog that you have rapid cycling bipolar disorder. Can you explain what this is like for you?
Ultra rapid cycling means I can go from suicidal one night to manic the next afternoon. I can then return to depression that same day. It’s a roller coaster ride that doesn’t seem to have an end.

Did you have rapid cycling symptoms as a child, if so, is it the same as what you experience today?
I did have rapid cycling as a young person. It just has worsened since I have become an adult.

At what point did you receive treatment for your illness?
I initially sought treatment before getting married with a therapist. It didn’t solve the problem. But, to be honest, nothing has solved the problem.

What has helped you?
The most productive treatments have been the mixture of Geodon, Wellbutrin, Klonopin, Lamictal and a prescription sleeping pill.

What forms of treatment did not work?
I had 20 something ECTs that were utter failures and a waste of time. I did not receive a benefit worth mentioning from them.

Do you have a family history of mental illness?
Yes I have a history of mental illness. My grandmother on my mom’s side has struggled with depression for years. My grandfather on my mother’s side was institutionalized for bipolar disorder. My mom suffered with depression and anxiety for years. She is better now.

Besides medication, what gets you through the tough times?
God gets me through the tough times. If it wasn’t for Him, I would be dead. My children also get me through. If it wasn’t for them as well I would be dead.

Can you share with us a little about your website Facing-Bipolar-Disorder.com?
I started the website because I’m not only bipolar but have a master’s degree in pastoral counseling. I thought I could help people.

What would you say to parents of children who are struggling with bipolar disorder or other mood disorders?
Pray for your kids. Listen to them. Always be there for them. Take them to a neuropsychiatrist if you can find one in your area as opposed to a psychiatrist. Get them into therapy when it is appropriate. Love them unconditionally. Don’t stop seeking treatment from as many doctors and therapists as necessary before you get proper help for them.

Thank you so much Wayne for sharing your story! I encourage all of my readers to check out Wayne’s website, it has a lot of helpful information! You can send him an email by going to the “About Me” page on his website listed below. He would love to hear from you and hear about your story.


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http://www.facing-bipolar-disorder.com/

We Have a Winner!

Congratulations to Melody from NY who won a free copy of Dancing on Broken Glass from Simon & Schuster. Thank you to all who participated by entering into the drawing. I hope to have another drawing in the future!

Happy Friday Everyone!

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Check back on Monday when I share with you a very personal interview with Wayne Smith who was diagnosed with Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder at the age of 36, but has experienced his symptoms since he was a child. I think many of you parents will find his story very interesting.

Interview with Author Ka Hancock

This Wednesday, February 29th, is the last day to enter into the drawing for a free copy of the book Dancing on Broken Glass by Ka Hancock. I thought it would be fun to ask the author a few questions about writing this book and her experience with bipolar disorder. I think you’ll find the interview very interesting, check it out!

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Welcome Ka to my blog! When I first heard about your book I immediately became curious about your experience with bipolar disorder and your inspiration to incorporate it into your novel.

What made you decide to write a book about relationships and bipolar disorder?
That happened rather accidentally, at least in the beginning—I needed what I thought was a good reason for a woman to give her baby to her sister rather than trust her husband to raise her. So I gave him bipolar disorder because there is a range of symptoms, many differing opinions on treatment as wells as a variety of medications. All this meant I had ample room within that diagnosis to create my character. Initially I thought he should be a complex man that would not be trustworthy enough to care for his child. Shame on me! As I came to understand Mickey Chandler, I soon realized that his mental illness was an empty argument and certainly no reason—in and of itself—that my heroin would not want him to have their child. So as I got to know Mickey, and he emerged as such a good guy despite his diagnosis, what started out as a mere character trait soon became a driving force in the story. Mental illness is of particular interest to me, and delving into Mickey and his relationship with the world was an exercise in discovery as well as appreciation. Bipolar disorder symptomology ranges from mild to debilitating and frequently cycles between these extremes. I characterized Mickey as having this illness but also layered him with an admirable core and great insight into his disorder—two imperative components of this story.

Do you have any experience with bipolar disorder or other mental illnesses?

I have worked in the field of mental illness for many years as a psychiatric nurse. I have come to appreciate the struggle of those challenged with this diagnosis as well as the families that orbit around them. Bipolar disorder can be difficult to diagnose, it can be hell on relationships, and medication compliance can be a huge challenge. And for those living with the extremes of mood and behavior, it can be crazy-making and very frightening. In a hospital setting, I have also come to appreciate the role of individual responsibility—meaning, as with any other chronic illness, BPD requires consistent attention—medication, therapy, and monitoring of symptoms. To successfully navigate this disorder, it requires an understanding of the diagnosis as well as an absolute commitment to treatment. Sadly, this is frequently easier said than done because this mood disorder is very seductive—hypomania does have its allure.

How did you research bipolar disorder for this book?

Lucy’s part in the story was easy; working with mentally ill patients has afforded me a front row seat in their care. I’ve certainly experienced the frustration; the strain on patience; and the clean-up after a breakdown, suicide attempt, or manic episode. Mickey’s part was tougher for me as I have not experienced BPD from the inside out. I relied heavily on the accounts of several people who have been brave enough to share their personal experiences. The best book I’ve come across that depicts the day-to-day survival of this diagnosis is An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jemison. I highly recommend it.

What was the most challenging aspect of writing this story?

I think the most challenging aspect was keeping Mickey true to life while conveying his experience with BPD. I did not want to get too clinical because I wanted the story to be accessible to anyone. I also did not want to diminish the experience for those who are living with it firsthand. Because this is fiction, I was able to manipulate what I needed with the goal of creating an enduring, likable man who also suffers from a mental illness. The same is true for Lucy, a woman who did her homework before she ever married Mickey. Building these characters—this marriage—was a labor of love that I hope will offer some insight not only to those suffering with BPD, but those who love them as well.

What do you hope to communicate through this story, is there a life lesson or experience you wanted to share?

I think what I really wanted to convey in this book is that there is worthiness and capability in everyone, despite a diagnosis of mental illness. Mickey doesn’t feel worthy of Lucy’s love or acceptance and nearly opts for a life without her, which would have been tragic. She came to understand his limitations, but also admired his commitment to treatment—that was key for her. Life is hard. A diagnosis of BPD makes it harder, so it requires harder work. That’s just a fact. The key to living successfully with this disorder often lies with treatment compliance—developing insight, taking responsibility, following through. In this work of fiction, that’s who Mickey was, and Lucy knew that beneath all his pathology there was a very good man, a man strong enough and resourceful enough to take care of his daughter.

If there is BPD in your life, whether as patient or caregiver, I wish you peace and long bouts of stability. When you can’t attain those, I wish you respite and a shoulder. This blog is a good thing, Mama Bear. Thank you for hosting me.

Thank you so much Ka for sharing your book with us, I look forward to reading it!

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So are you interested in winning this free book and be one of the first to read it? If so, email me your mailing address by Wednesday, February 29th. By Friday, March 2nd, I’ll draw one of your names and forward your address to Simon & Schuster and they’ll mail a free copy of the book to you after March 13th. (Sorry U.S. residents only).

Email me here to enter:

mysonhas2brains@gmail.com

Good Luck!


Don’t worry, I won’t be using your personal info, it will be destroyed after a winner is selected. Also, in an effort to have full disclosure, I’ll be receiving a free book too from Simon & Schuster.

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Link to the book:
http://books.simonandschuster.com/Dancing-on-Broken-Glass/Ka-Hancock/9781451637373 

Author’s website:
http://kahancock.com/

Dr. Drew Looks at Insanity Plea due to Bipolar State

I recently saw this video clip of Dr. Drew discussing the Hemy Neuman insanity defense case in the murder of Rusty Sneiderman. The accused killer claims that he gunned down another man when in a manic bipolar state. I thought it was an interesting discussion and I appreciated how one advocate used this as an opportunity to educate the public that individuals with bipolar disorder are more likely to become victims of crimes than perpetrators and that there are wonderful treatments available for those suffering to maintain healthy lives. Also participating in the conversation was General Hospital star, Maurice Benard, who shared his experience with his manic bipolar state.

Check it out!

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Video Source:
http://drdrew.blogs.cnn.com/2012/02/24/insanity-plea-due-to-bipolar-state/

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Only 3 days left to enter into the drawing for a free copy of Dancing on Broken Glass, see the link below for details!

http://mysonhas2brains.blogspot.com/2012/02/book-giveaway.html

Book Giveaway!

This week Simon & Schuster’s Gallery Books contacted me with a very cool offer! They’re willing to give one of my followers, THAT’S YOU, a free book from one of their upcoming releases. This fiction novel, Dancing on Broken Glass, by Ka Hancock is a story about a marriage coping with bipolar disorder and much more.

Here’s a peek inside the book:

Lucy Houston and Mickey Chandler probably shouldn’t have fallen in love, let alone gotten married. They’re both plagued with faulty genes—he has bipolar disorder; she, a ravaging family history of breast cancer. But when their paths cross on the night of Lucy’s twenty-first birthday, sparks fly, and there’s no denying their chemistry.

Cautious every step of the way, they are determined to make their relationship work—and they put their commitment in writing. Mickey will take his medication. Lucy won’t blame him for what is beyond his control. He promises honesty. She promises patience. Like any marriage, there are good days and bad days—and some very bad days. In dealing with their unique challenges, they make the heartbreaking decision not to have children. But when Lucy shows up for a routine physical just shy of their eleventh anniversary, she gets an impossible surprise that changes everything. Everything. Suddenly, all their rules are thrown out the window, and the two of them must redefine what love really is.

So are you interested in winning this free book and be one of the first to read it? If so, email me your mailing address by Wednesday, February 29th. By Friday, March 2nd, I’ll draw one of your names and forward your address to Simon & Schuster and they’ll mail a free copy of the book to you after March 13th. (Sorry U.S. residents only).

Email me here to enter:

mysonhas2brains@gmail.com

Good Luck!


Don’t worry, I won’t be using your personal info, it will be destroyed after a winner is selected. Also, in an effort to have full disclosure, I’ll be receiving a free book too from Simon & Schuster.

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Link to the book:
http://books.simonandschuster.com/Dancing-on-Broken-Glass/Ka-Hancock/9781451637373 

Author’s website:
http://kahancock.com/