Today these feeling are alive and well, as it is for most moms. I’m Mama Bear to three boys, my youngest is 5 years old, my middle son is 7 years and my oldest is 9 years. I have very protective feelings for all of my boys, but with a mood disorder in the family, this instinct shows up in different ways. I’m passionately searching for a way to protect my oldest who is living with a mood disorder from all the pain he’s living with, yet at the same time, I’m just as passionate about protecting my other sons from their own brother. This is a very strange dynamic to live with. And as you can imagine, my feelings are so scattered, it makes for a very messy mind.
Tonight, I experienced this very challenge. As my moody son went into a rage, I was trying to protect himself from harm when I was hit hard in the face, causing my tongue to bleed. After checking to make sure my teeth weren’t chipped and cleaning the blood from my mouth, I found my middle son locking himself into a bathroom, frightened by his brother’s rage. From there I switched to protecting my younger boys, so I brought them to their room and closed the door so they wouldn’t hear their brother’s screams. I sat with them, giving them hugs and words of comfort to assure them they’re safe and their moody brother couldn’t hurt them. Once they’re calm, I was back to my moody son to help him through his rage, making sure that he didn’t do something to hurt himself, waiting for him to return to his normal senses so that he could feel safe and assured that after all that he’s done, he’s still loved.