Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Searching for a “Name”

When I found out that I was expecting a baby boy, I quickly bought one of those “baby name” books. I spent hours considering many names, looking for that perfect name that would introduce my son to the world. This was such a happy time in my life. Tonight I am looking for another name, but this search lacks all joy.

The psychiatrist is using the name “Bipolar” for the first time to describe my son’s illness. After the recent intense rages, the doctor has decided that my son may have Early-Onset Bipolar Disorder. Last week the therapist was thinking that it was “Depression”, but today they feel that these violent rages wouldn’t occur with just depression.

I don’t know why this matters to me, but I so want a “name”. I want a “name” to define the hell we’ve been living through. I wonder if it’s because it will make everything legitimate. Will a “name” help those around us understand what is wrong with our son? Will it help me understand my son? Will having a “name” finally get him on the right meds to make him stable? Will I find the right support groups if I now have a “name”? This may seem so silly to others, but I so desperately want a “name” to give me some control on all this madness. If I have a diagnosis, I can finally know which direction to run towards.

The reality is, that most families have to wait years and sometimes go through many different diagnosis before they arrive at their answer. And I am not a patient woman, so this just drives me nuts!


  1. My heart breaks for you and your family. I am here....

  2. it makes a difference. at least i think so. good luck.

  3. We have been through so many "names". We started with ADHD, then OCD and ODD, then it was autism and now bipolar. It is so frustrating when they say he is too young to diagnose. This is my baby. I need to know. I need to fix him. And I can't. All we can do is try to give them the tools they need for life. Try to make them understand that yes they are different but they are still worthy of everything they want and need.