Sunday, June 27, 2010
Today was a really bad day, but some good came out of it.
After a week of things getting worse, our son became very impulsive today. At one point, after running out of his timeout laughing at me, he collapsed on the floor and began crying, saying that he was feeling sad and didn’t know why. He went from smiles to tears in less than 2 minutes.
Then as the afternoon went on, he continued to feel impulsive. He was picking on his brothers when he called me desperately to say that he didn’t know what was wrong, but he felt too much energy inside and felt like he wanted to hurt someone. So Dad took him for a walk around the neighborhood to release some of that energy.
After dinner, I took the boys for a swim at our community pool, hoping to help settle him down. But he was still struggling with his impulses and was overly sensitive. When it was time to leave, I told him he couldn’t go to the spa because of his behavior and then his trigger switched.
He tried throwing my stuff, but when I wouldn’t let him, he picked up a rock the size of my shoe and threatened to throw it at my head. I yelled at him to put the rock down, but he stared at me with a smile on his face and shook his head “no” while gripping the rock in his hand, over his head. After a moment of staring me in the eye, he threw the rock just over my head (it was obvious that he didn’t want to actually hit me, yet it still scared me).
At that point, I knew that things were just going to escalate, so I grabbed one of his arms to keep him from running off, but he used the other hand to hit my 5 year old’s face. At that moment, my 5 year old is crying, my 7 year old is yelling that he’s scared of his brother as he hides behind a tree and I’m sure everyone at the pool was watching us.
I grabbed both of his arms to restrain him as we began to walk, I could feel that he was up for a fight and I knew that things were going to escalate once we got to the car. Trying to keep things under control, I yelled to the security guard “My son has an illness and I need help getting him to our car safely.” Thankfully he stepped in and another mom, who was just a bystander, took my younger kids under her wing as I took my restrained son to the car.
What was unnerving to see was that my son didn’t change in the presence of these strangers. I was hoping that he would pull himself together, but instead he remained disobedient with a smile on his face, even hiding in the trunk of my van. I could tell that he wouldn’t be safe to drive home with the other kids in the car, so I had to call my husband to drive him home in a separate car.
Once home, our now calm son shared how mad he was that we’d changed his medication. He said that this kind of stuff happens every time we mess with his medication. He said that he was feeling angry, sad and had too much energy and he didn’t know why he felt this way, he had no reason to feel angry or mad, it’s just how his body was reacting.
So this is where the good part comes in. We learned a lesson tonight---If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!
I hate to say that I regret reducing the Tenex, because without this reduction, we couldn’t be sure that he truly needed this medication. But after this trial, we’ve clearly seen over the last few weeks that once we started reducing the Tenex, his impulsive behavior increased. This affected his ability to get along with others, to be safe and to sleep well at night, since he would have “too much energy” inside him. Even our 7 year old was begging us to put him back on his regular medicine.
I feel sad for my son to have to go through all this crap. Just when things got good for him, the doctor wanted to change things again. My husband and I both agree that once our son is stable, unless he’s suffering from side affects or the meds stop working, we’re going to leave his medication alone, even if that means a fight with his doctor. My son has to go through so much to become stable, I bet he must really be frustrated by “us adults” who are always changing things on him. This is his body and he’s telling us to LEAVE HIS MEDICATION ALONE!
So we’re listening... and if it isn’t broken, we aren’t going to fix it.