When I asked if something had happened, he said, “No. I just feel like I don’t matter... like I’m a germ.”
I immediately hugged him until the feeling went away. Telling him how loved he is and how valuable he is to us. It was clear that this was a brain chemistry problem, not something he was reacting to.
This just breaks my heart, he’s so young and to feel such heavy emotions. Honestly, I don’t know if I’ve ever felt this way myself. I can understand feeling sad, but to feel worthless... it just makes me ache inside.
What amazes me is my son’s ability to communicate such feelings. I imagine that there are grown adults that can’t articulate internal pain the way he can. I pray that this gift will be his saving grace. If he can recognize when his brain chemistry is hurting him, he can seek help, just like he did this week.
The thought of my boy feeling worthless in the future terrifies me. Right now, I’m here with him, I can hug him and be by his side until the feeling passes. I can remind him that it’s just his brain not working right and that soon this all will pass. What happens when he’s older? When he’s living on his own? Will he be able to escape feeling worthless? Will these feelings make him hurt himself? Honestly, I can’t even type what really scares me, but I know that there are other moms that understand.
Are you one of them?