Sunday, November 28, 2010

Home Sweet Home

Well my friends, we’re back home from our family vacation. Everyone is now asleep after a whole day of driving. My son did extremely well, but his illness still showed up during the trip. Which to be honest, I knew it would, but I wasn’t sure to what extent.

My son did a fantastic job on the drive there, our planning really helped to make things go smooth. The trip to the ocean on day 2 was perfect, it was a great family day. On day 3 we took our boys to Legoland. Which if your child is into Legos like mine, you know what a big deal this is.

We took the day nice and easy. My sister, father and step mom were there to offer a ton of support and help with the kids. There was a lot of team work and the kids had a blast. We were very in tune with my son’s limits, once he said he was done with lines, we stopped getting in them. We only went on 3 rides, the rest of the day was spent looking at the amazing Lego creations, which to be honest, my son could have done for many more hours.

But as much as a child has fun in these entertaining environments, limits still exist. Upon calling it a day, my son happily headed to the exit, but once through the doors and into the parking lot, my son started to feel sadness as his moods began to shift and tears started to fall down his checks. I could tell he was caught off guard by it, since he had such a great day. Yet, I wasn’t surprised that his body needed to release all the internal stress from the sensory overload of the day.

Once in the car and on the ride back to my sister’s house, he cried several more times, each time regaining his composure with a hug and words of comfort.

Then he seemed to relax and rest quietly for a few minutes.

Abruptly, he opened his eyes and looked right at me, but I could tell that he didn’t see me. In an instant he became overwhelmed with terror. He screamed out and tried to bury his head into the side of the car, in a panic, trying to get away from me. He was frightened to his core.

I immediately began reminding him that I was mommy and that I wasn’t going to hurt him. It seemed that the more he looked around, the more he was overwhelmed with fear.

I started to instruct him to cover up his eyes. When he did this, he seemed to settle down for a moment, but as soon as he uncovered his eyes, he was back into a scary place. At one point, he said I was trying to kill him, so feeling threatened, he tried to kick, punch and bite me. All while we were driving on the freeway.

Thankfully, my dad remained calm and stayed focus on getting us back to the house while I used my legs to pin him into place and my hands to hold his upper body into the car seat.

I have to admit that I became very scared. I didn’t know what would happen next. Could he get free from me and try to exit the car while on the freeway? Would he in a panic head to the driver’s seat?

I also felt so much sadness for him because I couldn’t imagine experiencing so much fear. It was primal.

Once back at the house, we had to wait for him to calm down to be safely escorted into the house. After several moments, he seemed to change, his muscles started to relax and he told me that he could now see that it was “me” sitting by his side.

At the end of the evening, after a relaxing bath, he was back to himself. Even admitting that he didn’t remember much about the car ride. It made me wonder if he’d entered into a weird sleep cycle where he was dreaming, but looked awake.

But tonight’s behavior has me questioning if it really was that.

This evening, after our drive home, he had a handful of moments where he felt sadness. Once, he explained feeling weird, like he wasn’t “real”. Then, when cuddling with him before bed, he immediately became very irritated by his brother who was walking by, then started acting strange, trying to bite at he. I have no idea what was going on. My husband took over trying to get him to bed, but even he realized that his moods were all over the place.

I know our doctors wanted us to go a week with his meds at max dose, but I’m going to call them tomorrow and see what they think of all this.

In the meantime, it feels good to be home sweet home.

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P.S. Thank you sis for being so generous with my family and giving my boys a great vacation. Love you!

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