If you’ve been following this blog for a while you might remember that we tried Seroquel for about a month but had to quit because it made him severely depressed. But one of the benefits that my son clearly remembers is that it sedated him at bedtime, I mean it just knocked him out to sleep and he loved that.
Unlike the rest of us, when we try and settle down, we can use our mind to calm us, such as imagine the ocean waves crashing at the shore. Or we can read a book to make us ready for sleep. But for my son, his thoughts during these times always turn to scary images and he can’t read since his mind can’t stay focused on the page. We’ve even tried having him write or sketch, but he said last night that being creative just increases his energy, so he’s left with a lot of frustration that escalates as he starts to panic about not falling asleep fast enough. This in itself becomes a vicious cycle.
But during this time I’m by his side, watching every move he makes and trying to keep him steady and calm. It’s almost like a a game of chess, he makes one move and I react, thinking three steps ahead of him to facilitate the best outcome.
But seeing him tonight, crying and wanting to take Seroquel, a medication he knows made him feel bad in the long run made me nervous. I couldn’t help and think about what will happen when he’s older and I’m not there to help him through these struggles. Will he resort to something that can be harmful in order to get his brain to sleep? Will he hurt himself in the process?
Watching him struggle is painful to see, but to think he may have these kind of nights and I won’t be there to help him just frightens me and makes my heart ache. How will he do this alone? Will he be able to reach out for help when he needs it? Will he be ok when I’m not there?
Good night and sweet dreams my precious boy.