Yesterday my son woke up at 5 am and couldn’t go back to sleep. This is highly unusual for him and indicated that his moods may be off. Then about mid-morning he came to me with a bright look on his face and said, “I feel like I want to fly!” He then went on to say that he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He said that he couldn’t even look at the sky because it made him want to fly. As he was explaining this to me, he started to laugh, then his face became distorted with confusion and he started to cry. From that point on we discussed that his brain was making mistakes and that it was important that he didn’t follow through with these impulses. He agreed and said, “Yeah, if I jump off the balcony I will hit the cement and die.”
His urge to fly slowly diminished as the day went on with the exception of a few moments in the evening when his moods keep changing in his brain and he began to hit his head on the couch arm to make it stop.
The other challenge yesterday was trying to get him to do his math homework, yes, my son was given a packet of math homework to do throughout his vacation–big bummer! It didn’t go so well and I found myself asking... how do I be in the “moment” when the experience is something I want to escape.
Then I remembered the email I got the very same day from my pastor:
...When our pain was the most intense, all I wanted to do was escape from the “now”. But the irony is that what I needed most (God’s peace, comfort, power) I could only experience in the “now”.
So this translated into looking for Jesus in the pain instead of running away from the pain.
Being present in pain is so difficult. I admire anyone who is willing to hang in there. I pray that the coming weeks, even if painful, are filled with the fullness of God’s presence.
The full supply of grace is here, now. I pray you and your husband remain soft-hearted and desperate enough to receive it.
So rather than trying to escape the moment, I prayed, I asked God to help us and to help my son. I simply tried to lean on God to get me through it. I felt comfort in that. Then in the next moment, I tried to move forward without holding onto the past.