Thursday, January 19, 2012

Have You Been Scared of Your Own Child?

Last week something disturbing happened.

I’ve been torn as to whether or not I should blog about it. At first, I knew I couldn’t because I was still licking my emotional wounds and didn’t think I could write without being overly emotional, then I wasn’t sure if I should write because some things are just better left unsaid.

But then I thought about that other mom. Maybe it’s you. Maybe you have experienced this same thing and are scared to talk about it, like me, yet still live with the pain. So I decided to be real and expose my experience because I know that I’m not alone.

Last week there was a day where my son’s moods were off. Even his teacher emailed me to warm me that he was struggling about his homework assignments. When I picked him up at school, he greeted me with growls and sharp words showing his dissatisfaction.

Once home, things naturally escalated. I tried to encourage him to do his homework, even reduced the amount of problems but his behavior was escalating faster than I could keep up.

At one point, he ripped up his homework, then I taped it back together, which he responded by ripping it up again and even eating part of it so he could guarantee it’s destruction. Then he was in “the mode”, even using profanity for the first time. He walked around looking for things to mess with. He began throwing away my important notes for a job I was working on. I was still calm and in control, asking him to take my papers out of the trash, to leave my things alone and to please go to his room to calm down. But he continued to push and then I lost it.

I screamed at him, “LEAVE MY STUFF ALONE!!!!”

As you can imagine, my reaction was like throwing a match on a pile of gasoline. My son exploded, screaming at me in a wild manner while I screamed back. He then began grabbing clementines off the counter and launched them full force at my head.

I chased him up into his room where he grabbed a large stick (like a thin baseball bat) and then he began chasing me around the house while swinging the stick at me.

He never hit me, but scared me none the less.

As I was running from him, I was overcome with fear, I began crying and begged him to stop.

But without hesitation or any emotion, he continued to rage.

It wasn’t until my middle son came armed with a plastic toy sword yelling, “LEAVE MOMMY ALONE!” That my son became distracted, allowing me to grab the stick and tackle him to the ground.

I held him for at least 20 minutes, most of which he fought and struggled to get away. Thankfully my husband was on his way home and was able to take over from there.

The episode was over, but the pain lasted into the night as I cried myself to sleep.

I felt guilty for escalating the situation. Had I remained calm, I could’ve diverted him, even found a better way to mange his moods, but I didn’t. I let my emotions take over.

I was also deeply disturbed by my son’s unrelenting behavior. Especially when I began sobbing in front of him, begging him to stop. I was completely caught off guard by his reaction. I thought he would’ve pulled back and that he would’ve recognized that he was terrifying me.

The fact that he didn’t, shook my core.

When the episode was over, he returned to his loving, sweet self, though deep down I know he was dealing with his own regret, even sharing that he was God’s mistake. How does a child recover from this?

As my husband tried to comfort me, he reminded me that though he appeared threatening, he never hurt me and he clearly had the opportunity if he wanted it. But for me, I was feeling anger and hurt and had a hard time wanting to be around my son in the remaining hours of our day.

This made me feel like a horrible mother. To think these things and to feel these things.

I will always and forever love my son, nothing will ever change that, but I was scared of my own child.

How does a mother cope with that?


46 comments:

  1. Hugs, Mama. I think everyone with a bipolar child has done this at some point at least once if not many more times. I know I have. First of all, don't be scared of your son. He was probably more scared of you than you were of him. Why? You kept asking him to do homework when he was already maxed out. He trusts you to be the safe person that recognizes when he needs a break and when you didn't see that, and didn't see that, he felt betrayed, overloaded and angry. And that's what you saw. He wanted you to stop asking him to do what he could not do. And he got it. The only way he knew how to at the time.

    So, how does a child recover from this? By gaining some tools on how to do it different next time. What to do now... Go back now and ask him what he was feeling before he reacted like he did. Explain to him why you kept asking him to do homework when he was showing you he was not in a place to do it (after all, this is a 50/50 problem with you and him - and let him know that you recognize that). Ask him to think about why he reacted the way he did and why he escalated. He knows why if he thinks about it enough. Ask him what you and he can do together to make sure that doesn't happen again and come up with a plan for what to do next time he feels that way. How can he identify and communicate to you what he needs? He needs to know.

    He is not going to hurt you, Mama. He has emotional needs that far exceed a normal child's needs and he wants to know that you are there for him and will help him. He also needs to know that you cannot read his mind and he needs to learn to tell you what he needs from you. You guys will get there but it's almost like you need your own language of how to know when he needs breaks and when you can push and when you can't. He will need more breaks and emotional down time than your other boys will.

    And as for homework, lots of bipolar kids have written into their IEP no homework - or only minimal homework. That is what my son has and he needs it or school days would be way too long for him and we would have constant meltdowns.

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    1. Thanks Meg for the info, there is a lot to consider here. Right now when I ask my son why he reacts the way he does his answer always is, “I don't know...” I’m hoping a good therapist will help us get past this and help me deal better with these stressful moments.

      I think the challenge I struggle with is that some days he resists his homework, I am able to nudge him along and get it done, other days it leads to trouble. I still have a hard time knowing when I need to stop. I also don't want him to give up just because something is hard. There seems to be a balance of times when he is capable and when he isn't, it isn't always easy to figure out.

      I do wonder about the homework, how much more do we push it with him? When do we remove it altogether? I hope a therapist can help figure this out.

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    2. Unfortunately, it is simply not true that a child will always refrain from hurting someone in a rage. When and how a child gets to that point depends on a lot of different factors, though, and I doubt that your son is really in that frame of mind, versus having a desire to scare you as much as he feels scared of himself.

      One thing I always remind myself when I am pushing my son to challenge himself is that it is inevitable that you will push too hard sometimes. There just is no other way to know where that line is otherwise. Maybe there is a middle ground that can develop with the teacher? If his teacher could voice in advance which homework is more difficult than others, or if he had an off day at school, you might be able to make more of a day by day decision. There are days in which I simply tell my son not to worry, we had a difficult or busy night, and I will let the teacher know it is okay that you did not do your homework tonight. His teacher is very willing to work with this, and has time set aside to work with my son (and other kids in the class) for those types of days. Do you have a reward system in place for completing homework? Maybe if he was rewarded for completing homework for a certain number of days each week (and received double points on more difficult days) it would help with his motivation.

      Michelle

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    3. this sounds exactly like my home! i feel bad for my 10 yr old son who has to deal with it too!he loses his friends because of his brothers behavior etc. he has becaome depressed and anxious and angry . i feel overwhelmed as a single mom with 2 behavioral children 2 different issues.i dont have a supportive or understanding family and no friends due to their behavior. i live in a small affluent sort of snobby town and i am embarrassed in the stores , i cant go to events nothing. all this and we are losing our home too after the divorce but i dont know where to move due to all the noise!i feel shamed because i am embarrassed.but people are cruel here. any advise

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    4. Thanks Mittens for your question, that's a tough one. I totally relate to how isolated you feel and the pain that it brings, I can tell you from my own experience that it is 10xs worse when you feel isolated so if I could give you any advice I would say that you need to find a support system. I know this feels impossible and I don't know what resources you have but it is required to get through this. I would first suggest connecting with people online like this blog, it was a starting point for me, allowing me to feel safe by being anonymous and was very healing during some awful times and also gave me good info on how to cope.

      Next I would look into websites like The Balanced Mind, they have a wonderful forum where you can ask any question to a group of parents who understand exactly what you are going through. You can find it here under under the CONNECT section:
      http://www.thebalancedmind.org/

      Next, see if you have any organizations that have support groups, check with NAMI or check with your local mental health office to see if they know of local support groups where you can sit with other parents and get wisdom and support.

      Some churches are good at offering support. Our pastor is available if I have an emergency along with others from my church. They are there to help with practical needs as well as emotional ones.

      Last I would suggest seeking out friends and family that you can trust and share what you are going through. This is a personal decision, but one I am glad I took. At first we kept our whole situation private because we were afraid of the judgements etc. But once I got the courage and opened up I found amazing support from those that love me. Not everyone is able to give the support the way you need it, but all it takes is a few to change your world.

      Once I got support in these types of ways, I got a lot stronger which helped me face what seemed like a helpless situation. I hope you can find this for yourself.

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  2. Excuse my bluntness but he is mad not bad. You can at times reason with bad, punish bad, negotiate with bad. But mad is different as you well know. We have six children, 2 would be in the 'mad' category (one 21 yrs old & one 6yrs old showing some familiar signs/ both girls). People say you can't have one set of rules for 1 child and not the other. Well actually you can. I have 6 sets of rules. I parent THE child. My goal for my oldest daughter was getting her through school alive. We didn't do homework if she couldn't cope or I couldn't get it finished. School is no good to them in the grave. When they are older and are reasonably functioning then what they will do with their life will matter then. I never let the school tell me what we had to 'do'. I told them "this is what we are doing". Homework , exams, any of that stuff was not usually on the cards unless she was managing. You can not negotiate things like this with these kids when they're unwell. My daughter threatened to kill us. I would drive in the car with my hands so tight on the wheel my nails would cut my palms but I was afraid she may grab the wheel and kill us all. Its scary but its not them, its this horrible world they live in in their bodies. I never punished my daughter for mad only bad and you soon learn which is what. This will probably not be the last time you are running but i would hope its not over homework again. Really who cares about homework. Its not more important then your son and his state of mind. (my daughter has bipolar & epilepsy )

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    1. Very good point Donna! I think I have trouble knowing where he is at, I also could use 2 sets of rules for him, one for his normal self and another set for when he isn't doing well. I think we need to seriously address the homework issue. It seem to be our biggest trigger. I agree, the homework isn't worth this kind of pain.

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    2. two sets of rules is a great idea--and YOU set the rules, so, you need to decide how much you can handle. If your son is having a horrible day, then, maybe it's: skip homework, cuddle or isolate (whichever is best for him) have quiet down time (or excercise-my son seems to respond the opposite of many others.) If he's having a good day, then it's homework, and maybe, just maybe, looking at the homework he skipped earlier in the week--not making him do it, just looking at it--maybe talk to him and ask him if he has any questions about it. If he does, go from there. If he doesn't, drop it. Now that I am writing this, though, I think that perhaps you might need FOUR sets of rules--no--TEN sets of rules==rules for him if he has a bad day, and then for a good day. Rules for YOU for if your having a bad day or a good day (meaning, how drained are you that day--and what can you handle without exploding, which makes him explode) and then rules for visiting family, rules for going out somewhere, rules for doing these things if he is in a good mood or a bad one. It seems way too overwhelming to read this, I'm sure, but, I actually think that it might help. I have an adopted daughter who has attachment dissorder and PTSD and some other things. I, too, have been SOOOOOOOOO tired and overwhemed by her for years.....all the same stuff you write about. But, when I am in a good spot, a good place, I try to find time to make a list for the day---not a to-do list (that would be ten miles long!) but rather, a list of HOW the day should go. So, how do I feel when I wake up? Am I feeling strong, or weak? How is she acting--good or bad or mad or sad? Does she, or I, have anything stressful planned for the day? Is it a day when she is recuperating from something stressful (like your son's episode.) etc. This takes just one minute--just ask yourself for a quick assessment of how you feel in the morning and how you think the day might affect you and your son. Then, once you've done that, you make up rules just for that day. Like, if you're tired--then, you don't even BRING UP the IDEA of homework, let alone try to get him to do it. If he wakes up in an icky mood, cancel all appointment, heck, cancel the first hour of school if you need to--and just let him chill out and get in a better place. This has worked wonderfully for my daughter. Just an idea. I'm so sorry for this long post--just thinking while I write. I also want to tell you that my heart just goes out to you. I KNOW how difficult life is right now. But, maybe, just maybe, God had you go through that horrible experience so that you could learn from it so that it won't happen when he's older, stronger, and...you'd be more afraid. Maybe you could try to turn it into a possitive thing--a learning experience for you both. I know life is hard right now. Hang in there. You can do this. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

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    3. Thank you for thoughtful comment, you bring up some great advice. I think it's hard for me to go a different direction sometimes, you bring up some really good points about different sets of rules.

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  3. Thanks mama bear for sharing such a personal storry that clearly took a lot to write.

    Remembering back to my own childhood and times when I scared my own mother with my behaviour, I have to say, I wasn't out to hurt her, but I was so angry that I couldn't see anything else. I know us people with Asperger's have a difficult time sensing other people's emotions even when we're calm and focused, well, any shred of strong emotions such as anger (or even happiness) throws any chance of us noticing that the other person is even a human being, let alone one with emotions.
    I doubt your son chased you with a stick because he wanted to hurt you. I know it absolutely appears to be so, but it was his (wrong) way of trying to get rid of the enormous anger that was running all through his body. It does mean though with long term training, he will be able to deal with his anger in a less threatening manner.

    Please do not blame yourself for letting the situation escalate. Even saints who do no wrong would've ended up in the same situation because he was already angry before coming home. Did you find out what it was that made him so angry in the first place?

    Big hugs to you, you are doing so well :)

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    1. Thank you Akiyo! From what we could tell, his anger was due to him not wanting to do homework. But I think his moods being off made him angry and looking to fight to release what he was feeling inside. So anything he was told he had to do would've ended the same way. I appreciate you sharing your perspective, I think my son has the same experience, once the anger takes over, he doesn't see me, he sees me as an obstacle he needs to overcome. When he was smaller he explained it like this, “You and Daddy are a big mountain and I’m a tornado that is going to tear you down”.

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    2. That is so great that he could put words to how he feels. When I was a child, there was no way I could've explained it.

      As an adult, I still struggle with this but am now finding that if I figure out what made my mood go off in the first place and deal with that, I reduce the chances of getting to the super-angry-at-anything stage. maybe next time if you ask him what put his mood off (before he gets angry) and help him address his feeling (listening to him tell you what put him in an off mood and letting him know that it's okay for him to feel like that), you *may* be able to nip it in the bud.

      I have to say though, I am so so impressed with how much effort and love you put in for your son. No one ever asked me what I was going through during anger. You are communicating with your son so well. Big hugs.

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    3. Thank you Akiyo for your kind words. I love my son dearly and wish everyday that I could take this from him.

      Thank you for being my 100th follower ; )

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  4. I think you did nothing wrong. Your son on the other hand let his emotions overwhelm him. He still needs to work on control because he is young. I am going to e-mail you Mama Bear.

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    1. The hard part is trying to figure out how to teach him to have control, I believe maturity will help, but in the meantime, this is hard!

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  5. Mama bear I chuckled when reading your post because this sounds like our house. I liked how he ate part of his homework so you could not tape it back. Creative little buggers! Your son is just like mine except mine is 13 and is almost taller than me so I have had to change tactics. I too just had an "episode" of letting my emotions get the best of me. It was not one of my prouder mommy moments. We are only human and can only take so much even if they are our children. We would be yelling if a stranger was touching our papers or swinging a stick at us. It is that much harder when it is our children.

    Check out the new diagnosis of Tantrum Disregulation Disorder. It is so new our pdoc has not heard of it yet but is researching it. I read about it on another blog, from another mom. I researched the symptoms and man o man does it describe my son to a "T". He is currently diag. with PDD-NOS/Bipolar. He just does not fit the criteria completly for either one. We are having him evauated to get a better idea as to what is going on. Our pdoc is scratching her head trying to figure him out. She is not the first!

    Thank you for being so transparent on your blog. It makes life seem "normal" here.

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    1. Lol! Yes he is very creative on destroying his homework, I have to admit I did chuckle when I saw him eating it.

      I have been reading about the Tantrum Disregulation Disorder, also called something like Severe Mood Disregulation Disorder. It will be interesting how all this plays out. I don't know how my son's anxiety, depression, excessive energy, sleep issues, rapid cycling moods, and hearing voices and seeing things will play into this. But I will be watching what happens with this and the treatments that will follow.

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  6. Hugs Mama Bear! What a scary moment in time. I've been there. And I have to disagree with Meg who said he will not hurt you. I have been hurt by my son. My husband has been hurt by my son. A neighborhood friend was just seriously hurt this week by my son. When these kids are out of control they can not think "don't hurt Mom". So yes, I've been in a position...many times...where I was afraid of my son. I also get that you didn't want to be around him afterward. That is so normal to feel. It hurts as a mom to feel that way about your child though. All those mixed emotions after an incident like this can be so overwhelming. After our incident earlier this week...and I wasn't harmed or even there....I walked around for several days in a haze and cried at the drop of a hat.

    And to hear your child feel so badly about themself because they didn't something harmful is heart breaking. My heart ached for my son as he wondered why God even made him and why he was put on this earth. No matter how bad something they did is....you still love them and it hurts to see them so self deprecating.
    Hugs!

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    1. Thanks for sharing your experience, it's nice to know I'm not the only mom walking around in a daze crying. It's exhausting huh!

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  7. Mama Bear-You are so brave and unselfish to post this. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers as you navigate these very tough waters. I think there are some very good suggestions from other parents that have been where you are. This blog is a safe place to vent and we can all be comfortable doing so. Take care of yourself and know we are always here to listen.

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    1. Thank you so much for being there to listen, it has been so helpful to me!

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  8. Mama Bear, I am so thankful that you have such amazing women following your blog and offering such wonderful advise and support. You are all to be commended for supporting each other and mostly for taking care of your families and yourselves above all else. I have nothing but unconditional loving support for you Mama Bear!

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  9. As I read the comments a thought comes to mind...If like Jewell says you get to the point where your child really is hurting you and hurting others when they are upset, you are in deep sh*t. And at that point guaranteed your son won't be living with your too much longer. Hurting others is completely unacceptable by every moral, ethical and legal code. If this is how your son learns to cope with his emotions, he will end up in a facility of some kind either by your doing, DSS, or the courts and you don't want to get to that point. Where you are now, this is completely fixable. Completely. And the burden is on you, as the parent, to fix it.

    You can do it, Mama. You can fix this. Talk to him. Get a plan that you are both ok with. Get your husband involved and have your husband work with him on coping mechanisms. Share your feelings with your son and learn to understand his. He is not scary. He is very different than you and he just doesn't have good coping mechanisms yet. Teach him how to cope.

    And get him a punching bag. We used to have one and it worked wonders.

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    1. Meg, this is one of our greatest concerns, I’m afraid that he'll continue down this path and if that happens, he won't be able to live with us. That’s why I am so desperate to change this type of behavior. I am trying, but feel ill equipped. I can't wait to find a good therapist to help us through this. In the meantime, we are continuing to work with him and address this type of behavior.

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  10. Wow! You were scared while your son was raging, violent, and threatening you? Why that would make you....human Mama Bear! And then you couldn't remain calm and you lost your temper and yelled at him? Yes, that is more damning evidence that you are indeed human. And I dare you to find ANYONE who has parented a child with a similar disorder who hasn't been there.

    You are a great mom and your son is so lucky to have you in his corner. There is NO DOUBT about this. At this point you need to call the Pdoc and work with him to come up with a plan. That's his job, to take your call ANYTIME you need him.

    And in answer to your question, yes, I have been very afraid of my son at times and have, at times, made sure I had the phone with me in case I needed to call 911. Unfortunately, it goes with the job....

    Hang in there Mama Bear and please know that you and your husband are doing an amazing job.
    Betsy

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    1. LOL! I love your post Betsy! I needed the humor in all this, thanks for giving me this perspective and the encouragement. I am indeed human : )

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  11. All I can say.......I love you and your family and think of you all everyday!

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  12. Oh Man Mamma Bear! I can completely relate to this post and I had to come by here on my computer to respond rather than just email so I could see what everyone had to say. I worry so much about what the neighbors think regarding the level of noise in our home...
    I have certainly been afraid of my child and her siblings are terrified of her. Lately it is getting worse too. She seems to be angry and aggressive either verbally or physically all the time lately. For the last week it has been to the point of needing to be restrained to keep her body from hurting others at least once a day. She seems to have no ability to restrain herself from hurting me when she is really angry.

    Furthermore, after a restraint yesterday, I got freaked out when I went to the kitchen and noticed one of the Cutco knives in the knife block on the counter was standing up out of the block with the blade exposed. My first thought was, "Oh my God, Who did that and Why?" I put all the knives up in the cabinet over the refrigerator. Then, I felt really guilty for thinking she might even be capable of having such thoughts. No matter how angry and hurtful she is to her siblings or to me, I have always wanted to believe that she is a good, kind, and loving little girl. I see that she is REeeeaaly hurting right now though.

    Getting her the help she needs is eluding me however. I am constantly conscious of what Meg said regarding hurting others to solve your problems, my daughter just doesn't seem to "get" the coping skills though. Also, like Akiyo Kano stated, "...people with Asperger's have a difficult time sensing other people's emotions even when we're calm and focused, well, any shred of strong emotions such as anger (or even happiness) throws any chance of us noticing that the other person is even a human being, let alone one with emotions." We are waiting for a determination from the developmental pediatrician regarding the testing done for ASD. What kills me, is that she is rarely if ever remorseful about anything she does. :( Seriously, that scares the crap out of me!

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    1. Oh I can relate to the worry about the neighbors, I always wondered what they have thought of all the noise, especially in the spring when all my window are open.

      Don't feel guilty about the knives, we keep ours in a locked box. I think it is a good idea since our kids can act without thinking.

      I think our son is a lot like your daughter, he just doesn't "get" that he can't act that way, I think his "fight or flight" reaction is hypersensitive, leading him into trouble because he isn't seeing things clearly. He immediately think I'm the enemy and needs to be stopped. Scary stuff indeed!

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  13. Add our household to this list, too. Yes, many times we've feared being hurt. In our house, the usual weapon is a large knife. However, I'm very lucky that my son never really wanted to use it on me, he just waved it around and raged as if he would. And lordy, yes, I've totally lost my temper when I hit the limit on his raging. Usually, I'm able to remain calm and eventually, his rage plays out and we're both okay. But on occasion, I am not able to withstand the full duration of his rage...and I lose it. But I love him and I know he doesn't want to be like that either. You're a great mom. Keep moving forward. You are not the only one with these issues. I second everything anonymous said....

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    1. Thank you Boxturtle for sharing your story, it is encouraging to me to read others going through the same thing. How are you dealing with this behavior?

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  14. Mama Bear, I'm glad you posted this, and to see the responses to it as well. I too have lost my temper and then felt guilty about it, and I've been afraid. Sometimes I've yelled on purpose because it seemed like no communication was getting through. And I've doubted myself and thought "Could I have prevented this if I'd been better at--reading the signs, or staying calm, or having X available..."

    We are all dealing with very unusual parenting situations--and we are all self-trained.

    Hugs, hugs, hugs.

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    1. Thanks Heather! You’re right, we’re self trained and just when we get it figured out, everything changes on us. But as my husband reminded me tonight, we are stronger than we think, we can do this!

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  15. I wanted to come back and add that the times when our son was hurting others was a couple of years ago. We have worked long and hard to get him out of that stage. It hasn't been easy but we haven't felt threatened in a couple of years. Placing our son out of our home is not an option...not to us anyway. He is adopted and I will NOT make him feel abandoned again. If he is harming himself then yes I will do what I need to do to keep him safe but psychiatric placement is our last resort.

    Empathy with our son has brought us to this point. We often ask if there is anything we can do to help him at that moment. Sometimes he can tell us, other times he says "I don't know". I then ask him if I can give him a hug or rub his back. Most of the time he says yes. Sometimes though he'll say "get away from me". At that point I stay clear but in the same room and just say "I'm here if you need me". He always eventually asks me to come love on him.

    Staying calm is the key...but I don't always succeed at that. I'm much better than I used to be and so is my husband. But when either one of us starts yelling and loses it, then we've lost our son. I know how hard it is to stay calm Mama Bear. You just can't do it every single time. So give yourself a pass on this time and move forward.
    Hugs!!

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    1. That is so encouraging to hear that your son has gotten better after all your hard work. I agree that I NEVER want my son to leave our home, my heart breaks for families that have had to take this step. I like what you are doing to help diffuse him, it sounds like what Meg is doing. I’m going to keep working on this.

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  16. There have been a few times I was scared of my son. I also lost control and did the same thing you did by yelling. Of course it escalated him, too like your son. I know my son hates himself after things like that. He usually states that he wants to die so the family can have 'peace'. He has had some terrible episodes where I locked my other two boys and I in our bedroom while he raged because my husband was at work.

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    1. Thanks for sharing your experience Shari, it really helps to know that others have been in the same situation as me.

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  17. Dear Mama Bear,

    As a mother to my own out of control cub...I can relate and I feel better knowing I am not alone in my fight to protect him! Keep strong and lean on others when keeping strong is not an option. Keep blogging it is cheap therapy for us all!

    Sending you a great big cyber bear hug :)

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    1. Thank you for the support Lou, it helps a lot!

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    To learn more, obtain an application or nominate a family, please email your story, contact information and family photo to parentingstruggles@gmail.com

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  19. I just found your blog. Your description of your son's "two brains" is startlingly descriptive of my own little boy (5). He is amazing and capable of the greatest kind of love, creativity, kindness... and yet there are the tantrums, outbursts, meltdowns, and as much as it hurts to admit, violence (mainly hitting grownups, but not other children). We do not have a diagnosis at this point. I just wanted to say that my heart hurts for you and I wish you and your family the best. I have a feeling I will be visiting your blog regularly.

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    1. Hi Elegraph, thanks for visiting my blog. I hope you get some answers soon for your boy, not knowing why your child has these behaviors is one of the hardest phases to be in. I found things got better as we got direction and a plan to help our son. I hope you get there soon! Keep us updated.
      Mama Bear

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  20. I just found your blog. You're not going to believe this, but my 15 year old son with bipolar disorder THREW CLEMANTINES at me! I am afraid of my own kid. Thank you for this blog.

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    1. I’m glad you found my blog, I did laugh when I read your comment, there is something beautiful in knowing that you're not alone! Thanks for sharing, It's nice to know I wasn't the only one dodging clementines. : )

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