Thursday, February 9, 2012

Sick and Tired.

Do you ever feel sick and tired of it all?

I know... that’s a dumb question.

However, that’s where I am tonight. There was no rage or major issue. It’s the days, hours and minutes all combined sitting on my shoulders. It’s the feeling that the challenges will never end. That my son’s illness is a part of every aspect of our life. Every conversation, every decision and every action.

I feel tired from having the weight of every major decision being followed by yet, another important decision. Then there’s the education required for each step. Having to research medications, doctors, therapists, 504s and IEPs, it feels never ending. Then I must study parenting techniques and nutrition from yet another recommended book. All while charting every behavior and mood. I seriously feel like I could get another college degree at the end of this journey.

When I first started blogging I came across another blogger who goes by the name of “Accidental Expert”. I love that name. We truly become experts in an area we never intended. Unfortunately, the process is exausting and the days end with your child mouthing off at you.

Then there’s the battles I fight. The battle with my son’s moods, the school and the insurance companies. Along with the battles I break up between siblings and playmates. Tired. I feel so tired.

But I have hope, because in the midst of all this, God has the ability to restore my mind and repair my heart. He’s done it many times over and He continues to give me the strength to climb the next mountain. So on nights like this, I hold on tightly to his promises:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28



9 comments:

  1. Oh boy, Mama Bear, do I ever hear you! I've been feeling the exact same way lately, especially today. Just when I felt like things were going better at school (and they are, academically), major social issues have cropped up. So I find myself, once again, questioning whether public school is really the right place for Bug. And then there are medication decisions, therapy decisions, worry about the teen years when raging hormones come into play...you know the drill. It can be exhausting and overwhelming at times. And, as you say, there is always some new area you need to become an expert in! I get hope and strength from other bloggers like you...thanks for your honesty.

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  2. hey Mama bear, gosh you are doing so much for your son, no wonder you are tired.

    I have to say, my mum did none of the stuff you do (mostly because she didn't know I had conditions) and I still turned out okay. She just loved me to the best of her ability and that was enough to see me through. What you are doing is so much more extra on top of that. I think what you do is truely amazing, but please don't forget to go easy on yourself.

    You need to rest and recouperate as much as your son does. Without you being well rested, neither of you have a change of communicating on good (rested) grounds.

    Big hugs to you xx

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  3. I can appreciate where you are coming from with this post. I just asked for some time off from work because i feel exhausted. Maybe one day in bed will revitalize me. I sure hope so.

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  4. Yes....I often feel sick and tired. It's exhausting! Even on good days or even good stretches of days I'm still on high alert that things will turn around. I feel like I have a degree in psychology, psychiatry and pharmaceuticals. I would never have chosen to spend my time like I do. Without God I wouldn't get through. I'm learning....at my ripe old age...to trust Him and give my worries over to Him. Some days it works....others not so much.

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  5. This is why it's important to get school support in place so when he is at school you won't receive calls to come in for a 'crisis'; because that time of the day will end up many days being your only 'me' time to do everything else or frankly, things without your son.(like errands)Accepting the situation for what it is --is important because time WILL pass into years, and in the end there will be times you'll question why you did not take more time to regroup. I say this from experience after a dozen years has past, the homework assignments, the meetings, the doctor's appt's, blood work labs,stress, worry all add up to another list of what has been missed for a mother especially: time with friends, work, outlets like hobbies, time alone. I recommend designating 1 hour a week of uninterrupted time to yourself while your spouse watches the kids. Leave the house, go to shop or other activity you enjoy. Mothers are often told to do this and don't; and all I can say is ---do it. Also enjoy the time when the kids are young and spend one on one time with the others w/out the son...they need that escape as well. It DOES take over your life, the house, all of it, day and night, and though you love your son, I can see the pull you are having of wanting 'normal'. It won't be the same again is the first thing to embrace and then re-adjust 'good days' expectations.

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  6. Hang in there! Hold tight to your husband and the close family you have. Many people face these struggles alone-you are not alone! You can do this! Your kids will all be better for seeing the struggles you are all going through together. We are all pulling for you. I highly recommend taking time for yourself every day! Meditate! Read a magazine in the supermarket. Try and take deep breaths. Good luck!!

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  7. Hi Mama Bear-I think we all feel like this at one time or another. It is perfectly fine to take a small amount of time for yourself to get your nails done, take a nap etc. It has taken me a long time to realize you can help your family much more when you help yourself first. This is an exhausting journey for any parent of a child who struggles with mental illness. You are not alone-

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  8. I feel this way every single day. I am bone weary tired. I don't know how I'm going to keep doing this. All I can do is pray. Cathy

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  9. Thank you all so much for sharing, it really comforts me to know that I am not the only one experiencing this. I agree, making time for yourself is vital. I am working on it. Lately I started going to the movies 1x a week when the kids are in school. I find it’s a great way to escape a little. I also try to spend time with friends, my husband is great about letting me get away at the end of the day and I do the same for him. I will continue to work on this area of my life. Taking it one step at a time.

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