Thursday, March 29, 2012

A Brother’s Pain

Last night at a gathering of friends our son did something mean to his younger brother while standing in a room of onlooking parents.

Unfortunately I was in another room when it happened and another parent had to come and get me. I comforted my younger son then left for home once I felt we were safe to do so.

It was one of those unforgettable moments.

Thankfully our friends have an understanding of our situation and were very supportive. They even followed up once we were home to make sure we were ok and to offer us any help if we needed it, so I could not have expected a more supportive group. They really were awesome, but it was painful regardless.

As I drove home, I fought back tears, knowing that I had to hold it together long enough to get the kids in bed. As I spoke with my younger son, he shared how humiliated he was and even though it was bad what his brother did to him, he was hurting inside because, “of the looks of disgust on the other parents’ faces”.

I tried to comfort him, letting him know that people don’t judge him because of his brother’s actions and that he’s uniquely himself and nothing takes that away. I also reminded him that our friends were not disgusted with us, but shocked by the whole unexpected event.

The next day when I checked with my younger son and asked how he was doing, he responded, “Pretty good, if it had happened at home it would have been easy to forget, but I felt humiliated by it happening in front of the other parents.”

When I asked why that bothered him so much more, he said, “I’m afraid that all the other parents will think that you are not raising us right. But you are raising us good! I don’t want them to think we’re a bad family.”

It makes me sad that my younger son carries this burden in his heart. But I admire his incredible, forgiving spirit and rock solid resilience. May God bless his tender soul.


  1. Ah poor baby bear. That he's concerned for you says that you are raising him right.

  2. this brought tears to my eyes because I have seen this reaction with my oldest son. Our middle son is the one with bp.

    1. It stinks huh! I always wonder what they will say 20 years from now, what their memories will be. I hope they remember the good stuff and forget the bad.