Sunday, October 21, 2012

What I Fear Tonight

I spoke with our oldest son’s psychiatrist about my little one’s “voices” and he first reassured me that this is fairly common in the kids that he sees and that he doesn’t think my youngest child is experiencing psychosis, but based on the running list of things we’re seeing from his anxieties to “the voices”, he does think it’s time to do an assessment.

You know what my first thought was?

I hope he doesn’t recommend putting my youngest son on medication.

Does it sound strange that I would think this since I’ve seen first hand the miracles of medication for my oldest?

I would never want to deny my children the opportunity to have a more fulfilling life, freed of symptoms that bring them harm, yet if confronted with the recommendation to medicate another child, I would feel scared all over again to take this step. I’m well aware of the risks involved with medication. I take it very seriously. Every night I pray over my oldest son that the medications he’s taking would do only good and no harm.

I don’t want to pray this over two of my children.

I know I may be getting ahead of myself, I just wanted to share that this doesn’t get easier.


  1. It does not get easier, but wait and see.

    At the moment, you need to make an assessment. After, you'll have the time to think about it.

    Worrying over your second son needs medication or not won't change the final result : if he needs medication, he needs medication ; if he does not need medication, he does not need medication.
    Your being worried over it won't change the outcome.

    I understand that it's easier said than done. But at the moment, focus on what you can do.
    You have no control over it, so let it go and let it God...

    1. You're so right Giulia! Working on letting it go....

  2. I agree with Giulia, and I think I've said it here before "Don't borrow trouble." But it is so hard to actually put those fears aside.

    The other day I was all wound up that we would be late to go see a movie. My husband told me to relax and I told him "I don't have an unwind button." But in the end my worrying was for nothing because my husband messed up, the movie time I was worried about was at another theater and we ended up with over an hour to kill...

    So when I start to have my "what if" worries, I try to remind myself of stories like this that prove I can't tell the future, even when it seems straight forward.

    1. LOL! It's so true, glad to know I’m not the only one working on this : )

    2. It is a lifelong work for everyone. No matter how old are we, how many children we have, rich or poor, healthy or sick....