Sunday, December 16, 2012

Heartbroken and Speechless...

Like many of you, I’m feeling the weight of the school shootings that happened last week. I feel so many things. Sadness, fear, anger and the list goes on. Around me I’m hearing a lot of discussion about mental illness, about what should’ve been done, about the failures of the parents and society as a whole.

Like most parents, I’m concerned for my children’s safety at school. It seems unreal that we live in a world where our children have school drills for such events and they actually happen. But unlike other parents, I’m feeling anxious about the fallout. Will others be scared of my son after such a tragic incident. I know I’m not the only one feeling this. I’ve heard of others who now feel concerned because they’ve disclosed their mental illness to others. “What will they think of me now? Will they have compassion, or am I the enemy?”

Today I read many comments from mothers with special needs kids sharing their concerns for their own children, they express worry, “could my own son/daughter do this?” I feel their pain in their questions, in their fears, I understand the guilt they feel for even thinking such thoughts. It makes me wonder, did the shooter’s mother ever consider this, was she scared of her own son?

Today there was a post that’s gone viral on Facebook (Thank you Molly for sharing). It’s from a mother who was brave enough to expose her life and her son. It was tough for me to read because I can relate and because I’m so frustrated with our current mental health system. I can only hope that this mother will be able to stand strong against her critics and in the end, her honesty will bring about positive change.

Here is her post:

I am Adam Lanza’s mother

As for the families suffering tonight, I’m heartbroken and speechless. There are no words to mend these wounds.


  1. I too had a difficult time dealing with the news, and reading the blog post. I think it is important that conversations are being opened up by this. But I also despair at the direction some of these conversations are going, and the counter blog I have read as well. ( I find this kind of reaction frustrating.

    We still have a long way to go to get where the term "mental illness" brings about sympathy instead of fear.

    1. I agree Heather, some of the conversations I have come across have been unbelievable! It makes me feel like our family is wearing a scarlet letter and everyone thinks we’re the enemy.

  2. Mama Bear,
    My husband came home from work on Friday and called me back to our room (so we could talk alone). See they were releasing that Adam had the same diagnosis as our son. He was scared for him. Scared that the schools will handle him differently, the rules will change, etc. It terrifies me. Not just that something like this could happen at an elementary school but that somehow, someone, may at some point may try to compare my son to a killer. I had to stop reading news stories online because people who responded said such hateful things about people like my son. "they should all be locked up", "he needed therapy", "he needed to be shot" or "It was the meds!" I mean as parents we have to make so many decisions, not knowing for sure what will help. I know I personally spend hours upon hours searching, watching videos, reading- praying for some answers. How can I help my child? I don't think people outside of our type of situations can grasp the desperate places we've been. Not knowing what to do, what was up and what was down. Wishing there was a cure. I think in this time, it is so important that we, as parents advocate for education! People need to understand. Part of me wants to stop talking about my son's problems- to avoid the potential scorn from someone who may judge him or us.