Sunday, December 2, 2012

I Miss Dating My Husband

Tonight I went to the movies alone to see a movie I was looking forward to seeing. It’s no big deal that I went alone, I do that off and on when the kids are in school, but going at night, surrounded by all the couples on dates left me feeling pretty sad. Raising kids with challenges makes it almost impossible to go on dates. We don’t want to leave our kids alone with a teen to babysit because it may not be safe for everyone and we hate to burden our family by asking them to watch the kids. So as a result, my husband and I only date a few times a year. It seems to be less every year.

As the movie ended, I watched all the couples head off, while I went to my car to cry. I miss having fun with my husband. I miss dating him and having our alone time away from the house and kids. Because of our kids’ challenges, we tend to tag team our fun. My husband gets to play poker with his friends while I stay home with the kids and I go out to dinner with my friends while he stays home. For the most part this works pretty well, giving both of us a much needed break. But for our marriage, it doesn’t help us enjoy life together. Instead, I feel like our happiest times happen apart. Not that it has anything to do with each other, just the reality of our circumstances. When we’re together, we’re putting out fires with our kids and trying to keep the peace. We’re basically surviving. There’s a whole lot of stress and work and very little fun.

Tonight this makes me very sad. Can you relate?


5 comments:

  1. Oh, I can SOOOO relate. I miss my husband like crazy. We feel like roommates more than partners. It's so difficult and it's reason number 6,782 why I often start feeling sorry for myself because of our situation. I empathize. If I lived closer, I'd babysit for you in a heartbeat. Cathy

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    1. Thanks for chiming in Cathy, I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling sorry for myself. : )

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  2. Yes I can relate. Even though we have my father in law close by--he's the only one we trust to baby sit, we still don't get out together that often. Sometimes is it just from pure exhaustion, going out takes energy.

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  3. I can also relate. We do have my parents who are extremely helpful. I tend to send my son to them when Middle Son is uncontrollable and he needs a break away from us and his 2 brothers, and we need a break from him.

    Anyway, I wanted to share something my husband and I started about a month ago. I was skeptical about how it would work when Hubby first brought the idea to me, but it has helped a great deal.

    After dinner we have "our time" for 30 minutes. We set guidelines for each of the boys. Ours: you don't interrupt us unless there is an emergency, no electronics for them during this time - only reading, drawing, painting, Legos, etc. Like I said, I was skeptical.

    We aren't strict about it. Hubby and I agreed that if Middle Son's moods were heightened that we would not have our time and would pick it up again when moods and schedules allowed.

    It has been wonderful to sit and talk after dinner instead of trying to talk after everyone is finally in bed and the two of us are exhausted, not even able to remember what we needed to talk about.

    The surprise...they feel like it is a special time for them too and they actually want to guard the time Hubby and I are spending together! When we gave them the guidelines, we told them that we, as husband and wife, need to spend time together and not just the end-of-the-day, whatever energy we don't have left over time.

    Of course we've had to cancel some days due to really bad moods recently, but it is nice to say, "okay, it didn't happen tonight, but we can talk again tomorrow or the next day."

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    1. OOOhhh what a good idea, I really like that!

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