Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Big Changes Loom Over Us

As I get older I’m realizing that I don’t like change much.

Particularly when it comes to my home. I want to raise my family up in our home and one day retire here. I want my boys to bring their first dates through our front door, maybe even steal a kiss at the mailbox like my husband and I did when we were dating at my parent’s home.

I have plans of growing old with my best friend and continuing our thursday night cardio-therapy sessions at the gym while my husband plays golf at the senior rate with his best friend. Every July I plan to watch the city fireworks off our bedroom balcony and every Christmas put our tree up in the same spot. I want to eat at our favorite family-owned pizza restaurant every time we celebrate and one day show my grandchildren where their Dad played legos for hours. I want to see my boys’ names etched into my cabinets each week as I dust and listen at night for the familiar sound of the train in the distance. I want to be surrounded by the history of my family. I want home.

This month all of that has been threatened. My husband was notified that his position is being moved to the city, about a 3 hour commute from our current home. He has been given some time to decide if he wants to keep his position or find a new job.

Unfortunately both options aren’t good. Finding a new job with his salary requirements won’t be easy in his industry. But commuting is not doable, being that it would put him on the road for 6 hours a day. Unfortunately telecommuting isn’t allowed.

So outside of a miracle, a move in our near future is looming over us.

It feels like a kick in the stomach.

We would be moving to a new city not knowing anyone. We would lose all the physical support that surrounds us now. I know that those in my life will always support me, but when things get heated and I need to call a friend for assistance, everyone will be too far away. Plus, the only babysitters we use are the Grandparents, being far from them will really make things tough. On top of that, we would be moving to a more expensive area, bringing on more stressors all around.

Beyond my own resistance to change, I’m concerned for my boys. We’ve made great efforts to create stability in their lives, moving would undo all of it. I know that there’s the possibility of things getting better, but honestly, we have a lot of good in our life right now. We’re surrounded by family and friends and a very supportive church. We finally have good doctors we can trust and have learned what doctors to avoid. We live in a small community where traffic is light and crowds are far, with miles of open space we can explore. Making it a wonderful place to raise kids with sensory issues. Our boys love it here!

I’m concerned about what a move would do to our oldest. It took him a while to make new friends at the middle school and he finally feels settled in, which is a blessing with puberty moving in. Just this week he cancelled his attendance at church camp because he became overwhelmed with the amount of new stuff that he would be exposed to, just mentioning that the group would be stopping at an In-N-Out Burger restaurant was enough to send him into tears. At our last therapy session he became stressed out when she was offering a new calming technique, through clenched teeth he said, “I don’t want to do anything new, I can’t handle anymore change in my life!”

My husband and I looked across the room at each other, knowing what our son doesn’t know yet, that change may be inevitable.


  1. Moving is tough and will be tough on your oldest son being in middle school. Been there, done that :) If you approach it as a welcome adventure, though, it will help your boys cope. Parents tend to minimize the impact their attitude and approach has on their kids and see the kids as wholey independent beings but kids look to parents consciously and subconsciously for how to view situations and stressors. And you will get through it. We did and you will too :)

  2. Thanks Meg, I’m hoping we can encourage the boys with it being a “New adventure” if we have to move, I’m glad you’re getting through your move.

  3. Thats huge!! I wash the sheets and put them back on before my daughter gets home. Moving house would be catastrophic. You 'll sure be in my prayers.

    1. Thank you Donna, you totally get it! It’s nice to know that someone understands the challenge that faces us and how it can be a great concern for parents like us.

  4. As someone who has been there done that many times, I still don't like moving either. But it can be done, even with kids like ours. Honestly they tend to adjust better than we do. At least that has been my experience. (but my kids were much younger when the moving started--so that is part of their "normal") If it does come, one step at a time, and prioritize: like finding doctors first, so that system of coping with the stress of a move is in place asap. Lists help me a lot and give me something to focus on rather than my mind spinning about how everything is going to change. And use your long distance support structure--it does help.

    1. Thanks Heather, your feedback is helpful!

  5. Oh dear... that doesn't sound like an enviable situation at all. My first thought is that maybe all the stability and support you have right now is worth a lower paycheck, if you can still make ends meet. On the other hand, I moved repeatedly as a child and, in a way, it helped me learn to deal with change. I went to something like 8 schools during elementary, including a move to Canada and back and the one good thing about that is it allowed me to get a lot of "fresh starts", instead of getting stuck permanently as the weird kid no one wanted anything to do with. Some moves were hard to adjust to because I'd actually managed to make decent friends (kind of a big deal for a kid like me) but overall with each move I got better at meeting people and fitting in, so there's that. But whatever happens, I'm sure you'll make it through if you just take it one step at a time!