Particularly when it comes to my home. I want to raise my family up in our home and one day retire here. I want my boys to bring their first dates through our front door, maybe even steal a kiss at the mailbox like my husband and I did when we were dating at my parent’s home.
I have plans of growing old with my best friend and continuing our thursday night cardio-therapy sessions at the gym while my husband plays golf at the senior rate with his best friend. Every July I plan to watch the city fireworks off our bedroom balcony and every Christmas put our tree up in the same spot. I want to eat at our favorite family-owned pizza restaurant every time we celebrate and one day show my grandchildren where their Dad played legos for hours. I want to see my boys’ names etched into my cabinets each week as I dust and listen at night for the familiar sound of the train in the distance. I want to be surrounded by the history of my family. I want home.
This month all of that has been threatened. My husband was notified that his position is being moved to the city, about a 3 hour commute from our current home. He has been given some time to decide if he wants to keep his position or find a new job.
Unfortunately both options aren’t good. Finding a new job with his salary requirements won’t be easy in his industry. But commuting is not doable, being that it would put him on the road for 6 hours a day. Unfortunately telecommuting isn’t allowed.
So outside of a miracle, a move in our near future is looming over us.
It feels like a kick in the stomach.
We would be moving to a new city not knowing anyone. We would lose all the physical support that surrounds us now. I know that those in my life will always support me, but when things get heated and I need to call a friend for assistance, everyone will be too far away. Plus, the only babysitters we use are the Grandparents, being far from them will really make things tough. On top of that, we would be moving to a more expensive area, bringing on more stressors all around.
Beyond my own resistance to change, I’m concerned for my boys. We’ve made great efforts to create stability in their lives, moving would undo all of it. I know that there’s the possibility of things getting better, but honestly, we have a lot of good in our life right now. We’re surrounded by family and friends and a very supportive church. We finally have good doctors we can trust and have learned what doctors to avoid. We live in a small community where traffic is light and crowds are far, with miles of open space we can explore. Making it a wonderful place to raise kids with sensory issues. Our boys love it here!
I’m concerned about what a move would do to our oldest. It took him a while to make new friends at the middle school and he finally feels settled in, which is a blessing with puberty moving in. Just this week he cancelled his attendance at church camp because he became overwhelmed with the amount of new stuff that he would be exposed to, just mentioning that the group would be stopping at an In-N-Out Burger restaurant was enough to send him into tears. At our last therapy session he became stressed out when she was offering a new calming technique, through clenched teeth he said, “I don’t want to do anything new, I can’t handle anymore change in my life!”
My husband and I looked across the room at each other, knowing what our son doesn’t know yet, that change may be inevitable.